We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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