He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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