either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
