You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
