haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
