My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
