I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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