If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
