Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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