Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
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