You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
