If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
This baby is an asshole
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
