I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
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