My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
