I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
