some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
