so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
