you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Gay?
German.
Pity.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
