I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
