So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
