I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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