She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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