saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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