apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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