everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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