she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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