his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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