I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
