No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
