my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
