Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i just had sex bonerless
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
