Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
COCAINE IS GR8
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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