I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
