Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
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