fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
