haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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