Your tits are I can't wait for
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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