But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
