you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
