proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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