I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
