there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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