He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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