I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
