Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
