garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
