WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Fuck appropriateness.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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