me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
