The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
