kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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