she looked like the bat from fern gully.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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